I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
