I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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