U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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