I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Everclear isn't food dammit
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
