And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
