I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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