she is the kim kardashian of front butts
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
