She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
