Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
