do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
