I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
