"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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