i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
