He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
