i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize