You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
