she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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