Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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