I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
