He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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