It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
