oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
