someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
