i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
do nipples grow back?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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