Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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