think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
