yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
