My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
