found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
