wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
