I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
