Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
