Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
