im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
