tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
