Is it normal to miss your booty call?
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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