Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
