I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
