Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
