I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
