I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
