You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
