don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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