I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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