your thong is hanging out like whoa
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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