when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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