The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Two words: blizzard sex
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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