Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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