this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Randomize
