Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
