..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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