I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
