Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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