No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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