i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
