I think I won the penis lottery.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I would ride that face into the sunset
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
