so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
