He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
