Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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