i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
