I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
they need to just BURY HIM!
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
