part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
