You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
