I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
