just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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