I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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