If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Someone shattered a urinal.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You brought string cheese to the strip club
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
