she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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