god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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