how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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