After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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