I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
