Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I believe in your delicious
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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