Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
