This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
