I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize