i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
