I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
