I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize