He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Randomize
